Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man says, "I bet $10,000 my dog can talk." The bartender says alright I'll take that bet. The owner asks his dog whats on top of a house the dog answers, "Whroof." The bartender rolls his eyes. The owner tells his dog too imitate a pitbull, the dog growls. Then the owner asks, Who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog answers, "Wruth!" Disgusted the bartender kicks them out and the dog looks up too his owner and says, "Or is it Mantle?"

A KU lawyer runs a stop sign in Manhattan, KS and gets pulled over by a local cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from KU and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Manhattan. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the cop’s expense!!

Cop says," License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What for?"

Cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Cop says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Cop says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration, and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The cop takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving c--p out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

A very attractive blonde woman from South Carolina arrived at Vegas...and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."
With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby....Southern Girl needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down...and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers...and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."

Moral?
Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But all men......are men.

Bubba----applied for an engineering position at an Alabama refinery.

A K-Stater applied for the same job and since both applicants appeared to have the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions.

The manager went to Bubba and said: "Thank you for your interest but we've decided to give the K-Stater the job."

Bubba asked: "And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. This being Alabama, and me being an Auburn Engineer I should get the job!"

The manager said: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed."

Bubba then asked: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

The manager replied: "Bubba, it's like this... on question #4, the K-State engineer put down, "I don't know." And you put down, "Neither do I.""

Two 90-year old men, Moe and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Moe visits him every day. One day Moe says, "Joe, we both loved baseball all our lives, and we played minor league ball together for so many years. Please do me one favor when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's baseball there."

Joe looks up at Moe from his death bed, "Moe, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Moe is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Moe--Moe".

"Who is it?" asks Moe sitting up suddenly.

"Moe--it's me, Joe."

"You're not Joe. Joe just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe", insists the voice.

"Joe! Where are you?"

"I'm in heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Moe.

"The good news," Joe says," is that there's baseball in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get tired."

"That's fantastic," says Moe "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"

"You're pitching Tuesday."